


The whole thing was a bad idea

by Bebelebe09



Category: Unus Annus - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Panic Attack, Unus Annus, paintball gun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26186017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bebelebe09/pseuds/Bebelebe09
Summary: Mark keeps teasing Ethan with the paintball gun but doesn't realise the extend of the damage this causes.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 138





	1. Chapter 1

The idea of guns in general made Ethan feel anxious. He didn’t want to deny Mark’s idea because then there would be questions and insults and Mark imitating Ethan.  
“I’m Ethan and I’m a pussy. I’m a baby and [insert immature insult]”  
Ethan was holding the paintball gun. That just made it worse. 

“Mark, I don’t think this is a good idea?”  
“Why?”  
He couldn’t think of an excuse. His leg tapped faster on the floor. He fidgeted more noticeably with his hands. For a moment he thought that Mark picked up on his anxiety around the idea.  
“Aw Ethan. It’s ok. I just forgot how much of a baby you are.”  
“It’s not-“ He couldn’t finish the sentence.


	2. Mark Reviews The Impossible Burger But There’s a Looming Sense of Impending Doom

“It’s ok,” Ethan reassured himself, “it’s not a real gun. He’s not facing me. This will be fun…”  
He picked up the paintball gun. A bit heavier than he expected. His arms shook and his breathing escalated.  
Mark turned around.  
“Why are you so nervous? You’re the one shooting me.”  
He nodded.  
“That wasn’t a yes or no question”  
Ethan smiled weakly.

The actual video wasn’t too bad. Ethan even enjoyed himself a bit.

“Get up there! I’m gonna fucking shoot you!”  
“No!”  
“Get the f-“  
“NO!”  
“-uck up there!”  
“NO!”  
“Get up there”  
“No that wasn’t the deal.”  
“You have to know how it feels”  
“That wasn’t the deal.”  
“I’m dead serious you need to know how this feels.”  
“There was no deal”  
“You have to know one. I took 10 shots”  
Mark was getting frustrated now. He wasn’t going to let go of this.  
All Ethan could do was repeat, “That wasn’t part of the deal”  
Adrenalin courced through his body.  
“Get your sorry arse up against that wall.”Images of his past started to flash before his eyes.  
“I don’t think I have to”, he chuckled.  
Not a joyful chuckle. A chuckle because he was immensely uncomfortable.  
“You big pussy!”  
Ethan knew this would happen. Why did he agree to do this?  
“I’m such a fucking idiot” he thought.  
“I didn’t sign up for this”, more nervous laughter  
More arguing.  
“Mark, I’ve never been shot with a paintball.”  
“And you were shooting me!”  
Ethans heart rate was accelerating. He could feel it pumping against his chest. It became hard to swallow.  
“Mark…” he begged followed by a strange screaming sound(?) [this dialogue is all from the video and I have absolutely no words to describe that sound]. 

His stomach dropped.  
“Please no”

Mark suggested that if he didn’t shoot Ethan now he could do it at any other time in the future. Before Ethan could process the deal he agreed trying to prolong the experience as much as possible.


	3. Harnessing Our Dogs' Unlimited Energy

One minute Ethan was on a sled trying to make the dogs pull him across the garden. Next thing he knew there was a paintball gun pushing into his spine. He froze. Nothing moved. He couldn’t speak. He wasn’t sure if anyone was speaking. He couldn’t breathe. Instinctively he crawled into himself. He tried to stabilise his breathing.   
“Just close your eyes and breathe,” he told himself, “it’ll be over before you know it”.  
The weapon dug further into his spine. Memories started creeping into his view when he tried to close his eyes. A large gust of wind sent a shiver through his body. The grass was poking through his pants, piercing his skin. The wind blaring in his ears. Loud. Too loud. He tried to block it out. Covering his ears he crawled further into himself, again. His breathing audible.   
“Ethan stop being such a fucking baby”  
“It’s hard when you-”, his voice cracked as more force was applied to his spine, “-Mark!”  
Ethan started to raise his voice. It kept shaking. There was no way Mark would talk him seriously.  
“… please. I’m being 100% serious. I- Not joking. Ju- Please. Not today.”  
To Ethan’s relief the pressure digging into his spine was relived. The floods of fear were replaced by joy and relief. He found it easy to breathe. The wind died down a bit and the dogs were licking him. Everything seemed to have stabilised. Everything was ok. Everything was-

BANG!

He wasn’t sure if it was the booming sound or the unexpected nature of the shot that sent him plummeting through fast flashing memories. It seemed to take so long, forever, and so short, a second, at the same time. The dogs had ran away. He started to notice the skin on his arms becoming more prickly as the cold crisp winter air settled on him. 

“Sorry, just testing if the safety was on”, Mark smiled. He was completely oblivious to the torturous turmoil he was causing Ethan.  
When Mark had gone back to wherever he stored the paintball guns, Ethan was still siting on the floor. Too stunned to move. He was pale and trembling and his eye were wide. Tears edging their way towards the brim of his eyes, desperate to roll down his face.

There was a hand on his shoulder. He stayed frozen.  
“Eeth?”, it was Amy, “You right there?”  
He swallowed dryly and nodded his head.  
She sat next to him, an arm around his shoulders.   
“You know-“ she was going to say something but found other words, more important for this moment, “-Hey, look at me ok.”  
Ethan raised his head from his cowardly position. His cheeks red and stained with tears. “Everything is ok”, she reassured him.  
Ethan’s breath slowly steadied as Amy embraced him. The adrenalin had dissipated and left him exhausted. He leaned his head on Amy’s shoulder and closed his eyes. 

He woke up on the couch. Amy and Mark’s voices echoed from the kitchen (with 5 ovens).  
“Mark, I don’t think that you should continue teasing him with the paintball gun.”  
“Amy, we are both adults. I’m sure he just got a fright, that’s all.”  
“You weren’t there-“  
“I think that I know him pretty well.”, his tone became almost threatening, “I’d never do anything to upset him. Do you think I’d purposefully cause him pain?”  
“No. That’s why I’m te-.”  
“Amy. I really think that he just over reacted. He does that sometimes.,” he chuckled slightly.  
Mark had locked in on his point. He wouldn’t accept anything else. He was, and always has been, very stubborn. Even if he was wrong, he just refused to listen at this point.  
“Quiet down a bit Mark.”  
“Why? So I don’t interrupt his beauty sleep. Amy he’s not a baby!”

There was a sinking feeling in Ethan’s stomach. The last thing he ever wanted was to cause conflict. Although, he always somehow managed to cause some problem or argument or inconvenience. The appeal of falling back asleep was so inviting. His limbs felt like sandbags. He hadn’t slept much that week. Before he knew it, he had drifted back to sleep.


	4. Ethan Finally Becomes a MAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was actually the first chapter that I wrote. Then decided to add some of the other times that Mark was teasing Ethan with the paintball gun

“Ethan.”  
He turned around.  
“Get on your knees.”  
Ethan gasped when his eyes met the paintball gun. Fear rushing through his veins. He froze.  
“Why?”  
Ethan went paler. Shaking slightly, he could hear the escalating beat of his heart rising to his ears.  
“I’m 10 feet away, you have safety glasses and we’re outside.”  
“Mark.” Ethan pleaded.   
“Today’s the day”, Mark smiled as if it was all fun and games. Maybe it was for him, but not for Ethan.  
“Mark.” He pleaded again, his voice cracked slightly.  
“Today’s the day”  
“Will you back up a bit further.” Ethan rattled his brain for ways to prolong this event.  
“No…”  
He could feel a lump forming in his throat.  
“…10 feet that was the exact, and I just measured from where you are to where I am is 10 feet.”  
“Ok but hold on,” think of something, “with that paintball gun,” think of an excuse.  
His brain was blank. He started stuttering.  
“We know that it’s more powerful”  
“We don’t know” Mark shook his head.  
“We do know”   
Do we?   
Ethan had to stick to his excuse. It was working. He was prolonging the inevitable.  
“Because… we tested it and it was so much more powerful”  
“In what way?”“Because it was so much loader”, his voice was shaking.  
He raised a hand in front of his chest as if it was going to shield him or convince Mark that he wasn’t joking.  
“What do you want? Another two feet?”  
All Ethan could think and feel was panic. It was getting harder to breathe.  
“I don’t know what I want”, more shaky words  
“You don’t know what you want?”  
“I don’t know what I want.”  
“Listen, life comes at us fast…”  
Marks words became distant as Ethan’s mind drifted elsewhere. He was back at home. His mother standing in front of him. She reeked of alcohol. Hair matted. Makeup smudged. Clothes dishevelled.   
Ethan was grounded back into the present by the shot of the paintball gun.  
“Will you take a couple more steps back?”, his stuttering became more apparent.  
The world felt fake. He didn’t feel connected to anything.   
“Dude I’m freakin’ out right now”, he started feeling dizzy, the loud thumping of his heart became overwhelming and fear began creating into every crevice of his body.  
“It’s fiiiiine… do you want me to get the other gun?”  
Mark walked away.  
Leaving Ethan in the garden.  
He raised his hands behind the crown of his head. His breathing became faster and faster. It became more and more shallow. Pacing, he tried to grasp any air he could get. The world started spinning slightly.  
“I’m really freakin out… I don’t wanna do this. I don’t wanna do this at all.” He was on the verge of tears.  
Mark returned. Ethan’s stomach twisted.  
He walked further from Mark with his ears covered. It was all too much.  
“Why are you over there?”“I don’t know” tears streaked down his face. But his back was to Mark. No-one noticed the emotional turmoil Ethan was plunged into.  
He saw his mother again.  
“Get on your knees” Mark said in sync with his mother.  
“You’ll never be a man. And if you were to ever become a man. Now is the time.”  
The pressure of metal against his forehead was eased. She forced the gun into Ethan’s hand. Clasping his hand around the trigger.  
“Prove yourself. Be a fucking man for once in your life”  
“I can’t breathe”, he whispered.  
She squeezed his finger.  
BANG.  
Ethan felt a sharp pain in his spine. Everything froze. He was on the floor. The blades of grass reminding him of the real world.  
“Ethan?”  
Nothing.  
The silence was shattered by sobbing.  
“Shit! Did I hurt you?”, Mark’s tone was one of genuine concern. Something Ethan hadn’t heard in a long time.  
He didn’t notice. He couldn’t understand what Mark was saying.  
Mark lay a hand on Ethan’s shoulder. He sobbed harder.  
“I can’t breathe”  
He was gasping desperately for air.  
He was burning up and shaking and gasping and he could hear his heart and concerned gibberish and it was too hot and everything hurt. He wished everything would stop. He continued trying to gasp for air. The world was tilted slightly. He felt nauseous. Someone was calling his name. He couldn’t focus on the words. He couldn’t see. He wasn’t sure if he was in the present.   
Marks face focused in front of him.  
What was he saying?  
He could hear him breathing. Slowly. Ethan tried to mimic it. But it wouldn’t allow enough air into his lungs.  
He closed his eyes and focused on Mark’s breath.   
His heart beat began to slow. He felt cooler. It was if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.   
“I’m sorry” Ethan whispered.  
Mark was speechless. He tried to say something.   
“W- why are you sorry?”  
“I don’t know”, there was an unsettling feeling creeping inside the pit of his stomach. Guilt. But for what?  
Mark wrapped his arms around Ethan. They sat there embraced in the garden for a while. Mark could feel Ethan shaking in his arms.  
“It’s ok. You’re ok. I’m here for you.”  
Ethan’s breathing finally stabilised and once again, the exhaustion had taken over.


End file.
